Wednesday, December 31, 2003

limbo

its new year's eve. 2004's in 8 hours. so many many things have happened. all kinds of them. Os are over.. Secondary life is over. new friendships, friendships strengthened, friendships broken. the good and the bad. so many of them! my goodness. my whole life has never been so eventful (or jeopardized?). i sense more to come though..
im only 16!! but ive seen too much.
is this good or bad?
i dont really wanna know.
;[

currently living in ethereality

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

b ro k e n

picked up those pieces, glued them back together
layered them with adamant doggedness; never again

only to have them shattered once more
this time into tinier shards
funny
i no longer feel the pain
guess i am already numb

must be that shot of nicotine and tar
or those inconsequential bottles of alcohol
my heart is laid into comatose
obtunding every bit of that already waning gist- love
though im broken concurrently
but i wont say perpetually, no

i know i will get over this
though harder to pick them pieces up
it aint the inexecutable so
if we're meant to be
we will eventually be

God has someone for me-
somewhere, out there.
i know.

::benitalim 301203::

disclaimer: poetic license allows me to smoke. "SMOKE". brains please.
fa l l i n g . . .
b ro k e n
falling apa rt

disconcerted. forget it.. my heart's cast into stone from now onwards.
will go on. life.

- this xmas i gave you my heart but the very
next week you gave it away.
next year to save
it from tears im
giving it to
nobody. -

hurts. but i'll get over it soon. watch this space.
toodledoos.....

Monday, December 29, 2003

weirdness
madness
sadness
craziness

but. just cant get outta it.

Sunday, December 28, 2003

omega
was okie. 50+ pple turned up, beneath expectations... last year's had more pple. i won some 'highest pitch' contest (k cos i was e only one who dare scream la.).. haha. won a table game where part of a xmas carol is read out, and we had to guess e title of the carol. we had godpa da trump card at our table.... we won after a close fight with the table with 3 adults! heh. food was so-so. there were pizzas, but they cooled b4 we ate them.. wat a pity man. no one could finish e pizzas. oh well.

screwed 'Blessed assurance', closing hymn of service, closing song of yr 2003. argh. ;[ didnt have practice... e songs were fine. just had to screw up!!!!! ;[[ went to have briyani@6th ave, then went to pak pool w godpa. lardeedars. zuo bo-ed da whole day again...im bored.

elsie's father passed away last night. cancer of lymph nodes and liver. please help pray for strength for her and her family to pull through..... my deepest condolesence. cherish e pple ard u before they're gone. going to the wake tml. meeting X2D, joyce tan 6.30pm CCK ctrl station. come on time if u wanna go.

Friday, December 26, 2003

boxing day
yawns. slacked at home all day, took naps. it had to start raining only when i woke up! argh.

why................... .
i suck.
*
i thought my heart had hardened
i placed it in the inaccessible all these years
why did i meet you yes you
the one who managed to melt my frozen soul
i could have been saved from more tears
every drop frosted before they hit the ground and shattered
just like my heart im broken
why did you appear before me
why was i taken so taken in by you
blinded by you yet you let me see Love's light
you warmed my frosted heart yet you made it tear apart
i wanted never to suffer again i simply hated the pain
but you pushed me and i fell into this endless abyss
the one i have balanced myself so carefully upon that narrow edge
why didnt you let me be
hanging there forever i would indefinitely be happier
though i wont be the same i would rather make this a game
simply because i dont want to hurt no longer
i admit- i aint no stronger than i seem
so maybe that's why i let myself fall
i have myself to blame
but i dont want to play no more im tired
but im still falling but though its just as well
cos im sure i wont hit the ground right now
i dont want to face reality; dont want to face the pain
if youre the one for me time will tell
i will rise again.

::copyright:: benita lim 261203

again? well, ive been reading too much sob stories.

Thursday, December 25, 2003

Christmas
*when Christmas comes... its just an echo of Bethlehem the day that He was born.. the angels sing their heavenly song..*

All of a sudden i felt really Christmassy last night. the concert was fantastic. everything went well.... i didnt screw up!! i felt really really good man. too good. though i was far behind, blocked by the piano, no one knew it was i playing, but heck, the self-satisfaction i have within is enough. so glad i did my best for Him. during the violin performance of us 'Glory young fiddlers' (^^') my left shoulder joint connecting my arm cramped. wah was damn jialat. but i cont. playing and guess i left some pple who saw my agonized look thinking that i was e one making all e mistakes. if there were any to be heard.
carolling up next, turkey at uncle Benny's was terrific man. my grp kenna-ed all e HDBs and Condos. my bro's grp kenna-ed all e landed BEEEEG properties. and i mean BIG. sigh. hahaha but was quite shagged out at the end of carolling. oh well.
On this very day (or was it actually today?) Christ was born to us and He saved us from eternal suffering! Thank God so much for everything, that He gave His only begotten son to die on the cross to save us.. how great is that?? the suffering for our sake.. everything. Oh well.

BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO ALL U PPLE OUT THERE! GOD BLESS! ;)

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

eve
shiok rehearsal last nite. think i machiam chase train, cos i was just too into da musik. haha! but thank God i didnt screw up much, and i really hope tt i wont screw up today. this is my BIGGEST performance(apart from SYFs) to me so far to date, and i am determined to do this well man. tonite's e nite! tomorrow's xmas!
oh well. but i really like this year's xmas celebration in church.. its very much like a 'musical' this time. i'll be seen all over the stage i guess. violin, percussion, drums. haha. but im really enjoying myself and i guess i gotta thank God for giving me this great opportunity to serve Him with what i can do.

for those who would like to attend, ure MOST welcome to join us tonite!!
7.30pm, Glory Presbyterian Church, super near Bukit Timah Food Centre/Market, opp. Bukit Timah Plaza, near KAP, Ngee Ann Poly. is that enough?
gimme a ring at 91080205 should u get lost or should u wanna announce ur prescence to me. ;]


f.r.i.e.n.d.s.t.e.r

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

sigh
parents are back. means tt i cant go out till late liao. =\ last nite worship band prac ended super late, and i hadnt eaten my dinner. was gonna go somewhere nice when my mom called. no surprise tt i wasnt allowed to go eat, and i went home to see her already in bed. super pissed, skipped dinner totally. spoilt my mood man..was quite high after prac cos it went well. damn. so this morning she started nagging again, basically about housework and her 'not-being-at-home will make me happier' reverse psychology pattern which doesnt work for me anymore. argh. anyway. youth fellowship xmas party today at 6, i can only go for an hour cos full rehearsal for tml starts at 7.
my entries are starting to get boring.

oh. re-add me to friendster please. link's below. i wrote tt im sixteen and they found out. wat the.
f.r.i.e.n.d.s.t.e.r

Monday, December 22, 2003

sugar ray
wat genre are they playing? i dont know, but it sounds rather nice. not full of technica farnies, nor hip hoppy, nor bubblegummie. rock? not too rocky either. their songs are mostly written by them, and i really admire bands which PLAY and WRITE their own musik. am in a 'band', formed by my nhsymphband perc-mate, but seems like he cant find any lead guitarist nor bass yet. im da singer! hahahaha.
its so easy.....to rock you all night... nice. i like this song of theirs! name of e song's 'Bring me the head of...', but it sounds more like 'its so easy'
anyway.
tonight i have xmas music band prac. stressed with da drums. pray hard tt it goes well and i dont screw up man. i havent been played for freekin long, and there're only 2 practices to xmas! all da xmassy songs. bleah. how fun can it get man.. no la. haha its xmas, baby.
rojak's weijia? hmm. heh thanks for your concern...but i guess the rubbish i have is not something which happens all the time and to everyone. oh well. i'll get over it. i sound pretty desperate huh? i'd better start learning to not express myself too well. haha!
gosh. my eyebags are BIG. and BLACK. shucks.
p. s. pastor wesley's wife is in labour! ooh. too bad no xmas baby. heh. wonder what his name will be. tt makes him have 4 BOYS. Goodness. no one to help w da housework, but at least his surname will definitely be passed down haha! =xxx
just had dumplings made by my mom with campbell's creme la chicken. talk about east meets west. mom+dad+sis coming home today! guess they shuld be on e way by now. no more freedom..been goin out like nobody's business. but still i feel bored. im not doin anything worthwhile.. and im no shopper. argh. full of complains eh? nothing to do complain. got things to do also complain. bleahh.
boo.
got pooped out last nite at my uncle's, no thanks to XO. went there to see my newborn twin cousins!! poor nieces/nephews of mine, gotta call dem 'uncle' even though they're so much older. i guess that's how i'd be if i were drunk.. things will sway abits, and i will be veeery sleeeepy. but my mind was still clear. shuldnt hav done e xo first. e plum wine (spesh import frm japan) is one of my fave wines man.. too bad i was quite seh, if not i coulda drunk more and enjoy my drinks. jie jiu xiao hun. kor came over to watch e man utd match (i no haf scv ;[) . Man U won!! 2-1.
*
went to holland v for lunch w godma. aft tt went to look for Blu Media Inc. to collect my Sugar Ray CD set worth $85! won it from the 'win it' section of Seventeen mag. me and lolo sent in for fun and peng peng yun qi and i won! giving it to her as a xmas prezzie since im not a super big fan of sugar ray myself. thank God for my 6610, i entertained myself with the games all e way.
im bored.
gimmee more wineee!!

Sunday, December 21, 2003

nEeNaSaii.
say ni-na-sai. go figure.
two's a company, three's a crowd.
so what's four and five??????
think u know the answer? ha.
gotta stop crowding abt. feeling very rubbished again. damnnit. why this year so much freekin rubbish happening to me? why so much problems piling up on me?? what've i done to deserve all these man?! this year i feel so low. ive sorta found myself yet i dont feel myself. yeah oxymoronic but i feel the shit in my pants man. it's tt disgusting. have seen too much. felt too much. gone through too much. and they're mostly rubbish. i just wanna be the old me, without a care in the world. i just want the good ol' times where everything was clean and i could live without feeling shitty daily. im s.i.c.k of it. i dowanna suffer no more. i hate this werld, hate myself for getting myself into these shit. how i wish.......... i WISH. dont feel chrismassy at all this year. next year im gonna start all over again, be myself, me, I. tt's it man. i cant take it anymore. no one's gonna be my influence. except Him.

wanna know the answer (since i think im such a smartass? well, i am.)?

Its NINE.

Friday, December 19, 2003

fate
merry meet merry part
what does this have got to do with my heart?
why make me go through the pain
when you dont even feel a thing
i have nothing to gain
just so much to lose
next time just dont appear in my life
then i dont have to suffer
yet
i miss you.

[[to joyce. not again.. heh kidding. sorry was abit bo liao when i just typed this out. duno how u feeling now.. but hope this does explain some? tell me if im wrong. =\ be strong. ]]
shoppin
freekin tired went shopping in town wit godpa yest. went to say hi to godma who was shopping wit her sis at topshop. couldnt find anything he wanted, and i was already shagged out by sentosa. did nothing much...cos everyone was late, apart frm me and chris and junyi. chatted lots wit chris! glad tt we still have so much to talk abt. after town pak pool wit pa, till ard midnite..but was damn shag liao. this morning had handbells prac, tml's da performance! pray hard tt everything goes well man.
accompanied godma to town today to get her stuff then she came over to my place to watch 'Anger Management'. started pouring when we reached my bus stop, and we hadta climb da bloody slope all e way up to my house. luckily we werent very drenched. cooked my own dinner, claypot rice wit chicken and egg, and some dumplings wit soup. im good! ;] bored. AND.
MY FRIENDSTER ACCOUNT IS SHUT DOWN COS I VIOLATED SOME BLOODY TERMS OF AGREEMENT!!! WAT DO I HAVE IN MY ACC MAN?! PORN?! WTH!! sent a bloody email asking them to reinstate my acc. apparently they havent done so. KNS.!

Thursday, December 18, 2003

sentosa
im off ta s.e.N.t.O.s.a AGAIN. wahhhhhh my skin! my skin! gonna layer on lotsa sunblock. its bright and sunny again!! seems like i've no choice. oh well. BUT. someone's comma visita moi.. damn. how! if wear surfshorts den my tan will be RUINED!!!
Crystal cant go. sigh. her father's madness again. feet feels abit sore frm da sand oreadi. aiyah aiyah aiyah!!

parents+sis off to genting. kinda miss them liao....^^' pray for a safe journey for them!

i think this entry's kinda meaningless. its getting nowhere. so i shall stop now.

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

threemonthscourse
lala. im off ta peejaysee. pioneer. so is lolo! yayyee~
but. wah piang..gotta walk DAMN far to sch! direct bus 67 but..walk! awww maaaaaan. sucks! maybe i just gotta change bus. concession passes does wonders eh.
tonite gotta go fer xmas rehearsals..7.30pm are me violin thingie. 8.15pm are me drums. gonna visit grandmama now. bleah. ok im lazy to go out.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

burnt
the sun was toooo rare a vistor man.. just HAD to go to sentosa. shiok man!! am super duper burnt now. can feel myself radiating heat. i think i will be damn prone to skin cancer.. goin to sentosa AGAIN on thursday. with percussion. hope it doesnt rain.. though it'd be better for me if it did. heh. 5 dai tong tang.... '01,'03(there werent sec3s in perc when i joined.) and the current batch! so happy :) miss them alot man! wonder what it'd be like........ the same? or diff..

Monday, December 15, 2003

happy tree friends

wanna experience some sadistic laughter? click on anything in bold below! enjoy! =)

happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!happy tree friends!!
wakeboarding
sigh. scrapped my name off wakeboarding. guess gotta make it another time.. only 5 pple were allowed (there're 6 of us wanting to go) and since im totally broke (was actually gonna borrow $ but just as well. i dont wanna owe anyone anymore $$), and my leg's still no good from camp. what if it pi-cha during wakeboarding?! my $! and my leg! and my fun! and the others' fun! i dont want anything to be ruined cos of me man. so it has to wait i guess. bawl. hope it doesnt rain tml... it didnt today but e skies are starting.to.seem.gloooomy. i hate monsoons. they're e only time i can go sentosa to enjoy but da rain. bleah!!
no worries. rain today better, wont rain tml. wakeboarding's foreeevveerr therrr!!
right thuRr!!
im a happy fruit....nanananas..~i hate being down...i love being up(^^').. but HEY. Life's like tt!!! take it in ur stride-O! dont think so much! think when u should, dont when u shouldnt! make UR life happy today! cooooool banana-bay! work for da bling-bling mon!
woah. madness.
add me to friendster please? :D

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Violin
i guess im down for violining during xmas too. got a call saying tt i wuldve to play.. argh! havent touched violin for a year! man... gotta cut my nails (sob) and start practising i guess. =S

Saturday, December 13, 2003

AmazinGrace
day one [Team Nemo]
bukit timah primary school
started off on a high note. felt super enthu, as grp leader naturally hoped tt i could infect them somehow but e boys in my grp couldve been more enthu in opening their mouths. the girls were fantastic though. captain's ball was great, considering tt my grp was really disadvantaged physically, we managed to be placed 5th out of 10 grps. had station 'amazing race' games at night, was shagged out. paired up with stanley's team, won 3 lost 3. stan's team was placed 1st overall. slept at 2.30am.
day two
super fitful sleep. woke up to coldness and sleep talks and the floor. woke at 5am finally, walked ard the sch, went bak, slept till total effective sleep = est 3 hrs. felt giddy and headaches throughout the day, poor appetite. seminar on 'four spiritual laws' which was abt why and how to introduce Christ to others. mtv nite preparations, felt better. went pretty well. mtv nite- didnt win anything, but had fun. terence's grp won, best actor to Nicholas who portrayed a businessman(go nic! :]) and best actress to Rose who was a 'puppet' (welcome to the BA club! =xx). ended pretty late, v whoozy. slept at 1+am.
day three
still not feeling v super. sentosa, finals of captains ball played. stanley's team vs fengyi's. stanley's team won. youths all-star vs youth adult helpers, latter won ;\ haha but gave my legs bad bad strains. kudos to joan and lydia who organised a all-over-sentosa 'amazing race-clash of the reality programmes' amazing race, fear factor and survivor. started off pretty well, was leading, till we got killed at a puzzle. dint know had a choice of detour till we had spent quite alot of time mulling over e pieces. rushed like mad.. but only managed to finish 5 out of 8 stations cos of tt puzzle. played captains ball again w this bunch of girls who jio us play. i was e blocker. abit xialaned those bikini girls cos im not tall. ha. anyway they were not v happy cos we were rather 'rough'. more like our girls are much more sportier and its their fault cos only 3 or 4 girls really went up to play, the others just waited for e ball to come. yawn. but my right thigh ka-lao-ded, had to stop. went to swim instead. thank God for e weather, cos its been raining alot eh. left stupid specs in the toilet, realised only when i was on e bus about to leave. had to run there and back, thigh really ka laoed. evan helped me massage when we got back. shagged but had Prayer and Praise led by godpa. was super shiok. last song got most of us jumping up and down but i couldnt do much. abit weird and amusing.. nt used. did some pre-song jumps with doreen, but i guess my thigh dint allow me to. last night. many didnt sleep at all. was v tired and sian, watched Spirit the movie and slept in the hall- 1.30 am
last day
woke 8.20am, felt much better. but still sian. Best group: Spongebob Squarepants (fengyi's grp) Most 'on' groups: mine(!) and Qiheng's - Popeye. he deserves it anyway. still feel tt i couldve been a better grp leader though. that's all for camp.. pa gave me a lift home. enjoyed my really effective sleep on springs, not floors finally. been dreaming weird dreams this few days, must b because i havent been feeling exceptional. skipped last swimming lesson today, legs dint alow me to and i dont wanna end up being rescued from a kiddy pool and im still whooooozy. need a break.

would like to thank the following people..
pa. for being there for me and making camp so much more enjoyable.
rose and doreen. for looking out for me and sharing my troubles and being such great friends.
evan. for her wonderful massaging skills and care and concern for me.
pastor wesley and dom. for their effort in making the camp a success.
God. for pulling me through the camp....

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

more camps
check out my bro's 9-day-OBS-armyesque-camp. damn funny, yet even reading it makes me tired. running man... i'd diee. i hate running. my leg will act up and i have to complain, which makes me un-sporting. pui. =\ but really envy those who never seem to tire after like hours of running.
camp
tml!! yeah man. cannnnt wait for camp! ive been looking forward to it for super long i guess. pray hard tt everything will go fine.... really need wisdom to guide my grp and hopefully, bring e kids closer to God. im like the oldest in my grp! and everyother grp has at least a J1 and older person. oh well. duno how it will b like this year. my grp has a physical disadvantage (again).. seems like i really need to pia the games liao!! haha but who knows, we can win in another form again yah. most impt thing is the team gelling thingie and letting them know who God is. havent packed my stuff!! gotta be at church at 11am tml. sooo happy man.~ tml pa's coming bak... so is ma! really missed them both man. wont be posting for the next 4 days- who wants to add me to friendster sorry u gotta wait till Sat! take care peeps. ;)

Monday, December 08, 2003

town
went to church to do name tags, managed to do some but dint manage to do e rest. lynette and weijia were desperately trying to finish up e camp booklet by 12pm which was e deadline. haha but i must say it was rather xing ku ta men le. thx!

town with doreen, had much fun.. bought a bikini!! yeah man. fell in love with it yest when i went to town (yeah, again) with eunhee-mei. had fun too heh. topshop. couldnt find anything for dor though.. not enuff time lah. went to the airport at ard 4pm to meet rose junwei and the mission trippers who are back frm thailand!! so glad to see them bak~ but am really glad that the trip was fruitful. thank God. tml goin to finish up e tags, then swim w dor and rose, then final youth camp group leaders' meeting. CAMP'S W.E.D.n.E.S.D.A.Y!! woot~

Saturday, December 06, 2003

friendster
sick of all e pple asking me 2 join friendster.. so signed up. add me yah pple... emails' on e right.
fun(?)fair
e funfair was sama as last year's. nth spesh. most of peihwa's good teachers are gone... so sad. dont know what kind of teachers e new ones are..peihwa's standard dropping like siao i think. so sad. was queueing up with my sis for one of e games, den when it was our turn a lady pushed in and said 'my son has been queueing for very long already.' and shoved her son in my way. i was like 'my sister has been queueing here too' but she just pushed her son in and i shook my head and asked my sis to wait for e next round 'nevermind, we are very patient one. mei next game ok?' and my sis, like an angel, said very loudly 'OK!' caught a few heads shaking. it was some derby thingie la. 8 pple competing. anyway tt woman had TWO kids at e spaces. after tt derby was over, she shoved her son into e other kid's lane. wOt?! i cowering in shame, shame for peihuarians, shame for women. bleah. i always kenna this kind of ugly singaporeans no? -__- 4pm camp meeting. sia right smack in e middle of the day. weird time no? haha. yawnss.

Friday, December 05, 2003

isolation
godma's over the sea, 200 miles from home by now. glad she's happy. godsis is back today from korea too, 7pm. chatted with her on e fone just now, realised tt i was the one doing most of e talking..must be because i havent been talking much for too long. will go out with her on sunday! luckily she's back, if not i'd be all alone on sunday. i dont mind actually. tml's pei hwa-my ex primary sch's funfair.. lil sis dragged me to go. gotta wake up at 8.30am. wat sia.. ok lah. go have abit of fun, if it would be of any anyway.
watched the Channel U SNAP, wanted to die when i saw all those charbo's whose skins are sooo-thick-that-they-can-prevent-gamma-rays-from-passing-through going up to the hosts and asking them if they can.make.it. and they cant. so sorry. REAL breakers aint e teeniest bit like them poseurs. wanted to puke. all the 6 contestants were no better. only slightly. no surprise my classmate-or ex classmate Alverina's younger bro won.
even my mom is against my 2nd last form of entertainment. great. i may be disallowed from e com from 7pm from tml onwards. wot?! no. dont take my com away!! i will use my bro as an argument! he's back 1 day in advance. apparently the camp was a killer. ha. but i'll miss his bed. damn!
still online.

dance when there's still music.. live while u still breathe.. love when u still have that some1.. cry when u still hav the reason says:

ben, i tell u.. i dun worry bout u cos i feel u're smart and strong enuff to tackle+conquer ur own probs. but somehow, u seem to be weaker as u grow!! i promise to u dat i'll always be sincere wif u... u need a listening ear? need a shoulder? u can call me ANYTIME. but, i do not help ppl and i look down on ppl who allow themselves to be slaves of their own probs. and then emerge as a sadder person

[thought i became stronger. shock: ive become weaker. guess im running away. but ive not become weaker. ive done something ive never done before in this mediocre life of mine, and im just suffering the aftershocks. i'll pull through. but-i wont be the same anymore.]

Thursday, December 04, 2003

love.
this christmas i gave you my heart
but the very next day you gave it away
so next year to save it from tears
im giving it to nobody else..
*
i thought my heart had hardened
i placed it in the inaccessible all these years
why did i meet you yes you
the one who managed to melt my frozen soul
i could have been saved from more tears
every drop frosted before they hit the ground and shattered
just like my heart im broken
why did you appear before me
why was i taken so taken in by you
blinded by you yet you let me see Love's light
you warmed my frosted heart yet you made it tear apart
i wanted never to suffer again i simply hated the pain
but you pushed me and i fell into this endless abyss
the one i have balanced myself so carefully upon that narrow edge
why didnt you let me be
hanging there forever i would indefinitely be happier
though i wont be the same i would rather make this a game
simply because i dont want to hurt no longer
i admit- i aint no stronger than i seem
so maybe that's why i let myself fall
i have myself to blame
but i dont want to play no more im tired
but im still falling but though its just as well
only im hurting and i rather it that way
if youre the one for me time will tell
i will rise again.

::copyright:: benita lim 041203
[[dedicated to joyceT. who's feeling low about love.]]
all i want for christmas is....

1. the best tickets to David Tao's concert on 7 Dec.
2. MayDay's latest- shi guang ji album.
3. LeeHom's latest- Unbelievable album.
4. ALL of David Tao and L`arc~en~ciel's albums.
5. a nice bright orange bikini
6. new clothes
7. money!

number7 will definitely solve my problems for 1,2,3,4,5 and 6. christmas this year is gonna be sucky. ive never felt so sian in my life. most likely not going for carolling this year. so what am i gonna do? wonders.
People are like stained-glass windows.
They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,
but when the darkness sets in,
their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
~ Elizabeth Kubler Ross

VIRGO WOMAN [ahem* 18 sept 1987]


She will be similar to Leo woman in appearance. A slim woman who walks with
confident and proud. She has an egg shape facial structure, high and round
forehead. She likes to look straight as if she is searching. She is not a
pretentious type and will always say what she thinks.

You will see a Virgo woman walk fast. She will try her best to be perfect, to
look perfect and to feel perfect even though there is no such perfection.
She is very delicate of what and how she dress. She is bright and easily
despairs with obstacles. She likes a smart guy who will be compatible with her,
so if you are a rich dumb guy, you can forget about her right now.

She is not a very possessive or jealous person for she expects respect from
her loved one. She does not like a part time lover, or a temporary mate. If
she finds her dream man, she will not go away. If she does not like you, she
will always keep a certain distant. Acting proper and appropriate is her
discipline.

She does not like and can not stand bad languages, cursing words or phrases.
She likes a gentleman who opens the door for her. She wants to feel
protected and when a man takes care of her, she will feel like a complete
woman.

She memorizes everything about other people and about herself very well. She
can really keep secrets, you can trust her on this. She likes a refreshing
and a mild scent. She is very delicate in maintaining her beauty, so you
could see she is seriously picking soap which matches and suits her skin the most.
Do not comment on this very picky habit of hers, it is her happiness in
working full times as a self beautifier.

She is not an innocent angel for sometimes she can be as tough as steel.
Even though she easily despairs, she is not the type to cry over it. She is a shy
type, so making a speech in front of the room can make her nervous even she
walks and talks confidently.

She only searches for true love, not just any love. Her love is an ideal one.
She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can
irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but
she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When
she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an
angel again. If you have a date with her , you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet words can calm her down. If you want to say sorry , make it
brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into long
making it up events, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her
man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money.
Do not make her think that she is a clown or funny.

In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty
woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in
public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play
and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting
from your hair, your dress, and the way you talk. If you are in love with
her, be as almost perfect as your can.

--wowwee. reallly abit accurate. but i dont expect anyone to be perfect. i usually expect perfection from myself only. i like my man with a slightly wilder side. heh heh heh. :D want the email? leave a comment.

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

so u see, im so freaking bored and my life is so sad that im resigned to doing personality tests everyday. if ure tired of seeing how great i am, den please click the button at the top right hand corner. if not, please leave a msg at the perpetually empty commenting thingy and praise me. or scold me. just do sth, im getting pretty demoralised over here. ha! i dont care really.
[your true talent is mechanical ability]
Given this talent, you're most likely curious about how things work and may enjoy tinkering with machines. Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it would fit back together? If this sounds like you, you may have earned the reputation around your household as a real Mr. or Ms. Fix-It.
At times, people like you can be both self-sufficient and a great help to others because when it's time to change a car's oil or tighten a leaky faucet, you can be just the right person to get the job done. No matter what kind of career opportunity you choose, chances are that you'll enjoy it most if it involves working with your hands or seeing the tangible results of your efforts.
How do we know that your true talent is mechanical ability? While you were taking the test, we calculated your responses to each test question, and noticed that, relative to others, you consistently answered questions that measure mechanical ability correctly.

[ ARE YOU MORE FEMININE OR MASCULINE?]
you're 41% masculine

This is based on how you scored on a variety of traits that, founded on classic research and our own studies, are typically associated with men.
You're also 59% feminine, which is based on how you scored on traits that are typically associated with women. When we compare your results with other women it shows that you are somewhat more masculine than other women.

-ha. i knew tt.

[the Right Job for you will allow you to be:]
Creative and Analytical
You're a visionary in many people's eyes ie able to think outside of the box to come up with your own solutions. You're creative not necessarily in the artistic sense, but because you can expand your mind to do things differently from others.
It might take a while for colleagues to recognize and reward for your entrepreneurial spirit and abilities. That could be because they envy you, or because they find your ideas slightly rebellious, willing to go against the current.
All in all, you make it hard for people to pigeon hole you. That is why you, more than others, need a job that allows you to play to your strengths, break out of the mold, and truly excel.

--wanna try? click on the link!
emode
here i go again....


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BLUE



You give your love and friendship unconditionaly. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.




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Tuesday, December 02, 2003

temptation

1 Corinthians 10:13
"NO temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

temptation 1: something tempting or enticing 2: the desire to have or do something that you know you should avoid; "he felt the temptation and his will power weakened" 3: the act of influencing by exciting hope or desire; "his enticements were shameless"

note the word in bold. yielding to temptation is just so easy. human nature? its very easy to use that as an excuse but its true. yet.. if we follow the Bible closely, it should not be easy to give in to it. we are so weak if we rely on our own strengths eh. oxymoronic, i know. how should i put it? well. its like we do know what we are doing or about to do is wrong, but we just cant help doing it. why? for the sake of thrill? for selfish desires? or can we actually help ourselves? is it really all about self-control? self. its so difficult to control what our mind thinks, what our heart says. they contradict. consciously the mind knows the correct thing that should be done, yet the heart says what it wants; what you subconsciously want. so i guess the character kicks in. if one is a logical or calm person, indefinitely he will stop to reassess the situation and thus decide. if not, he will impulsively act out what his heart says. it will usually lead to a regretted move, but it could be the right thing to do, though on less occasions.

so the thing is, which should we follow? say if the mind is listened to: the decision leads to something really, really painful and something which may change lives, for better or for worse we do not know. is the pain worth it? i think what most people run away from is the initial realisation of the imminent pain. so the heart wants to avoid the situation, wants to suffer less, so it decides otherwise. it is followed, and the aftermath turns out to be dire and regret is inevitable.

back to the verse. God promises that 'he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear'. does this imply that 'temptation' is not an excuse? as in one can be tempted but it is possible to hold one's ground against it because it is not 'beyond what you can bear'. again, the heart and mind comes into the picture. the two 'decision-makers' are what, as they are called, makes the decision-the final say. as Christians, God is ultimately in charge if we go to Him for advice. when temptation is there, one goes to Him. He makes a decision, listen carefully, follow it. next thing: is it that easy to follow? no. definitely. mind says: God says this, follow. what can go wrong? heart says: i know God says this, but cant it be something else (i want) instead? or it could be 'but i cant help myself. why make things difficult?'
notice that the heart is very self-orientated. to the extent, selfish. all it does not want is to get hurt. thus the ways and means of rejecting the rational solution. who likes to get hurt anyway? i guess God has His purpose for everything. temptation exists since Adam and Eve and the fruit, isnt it kind of like the 'oldest sin'? conscience, guilt and temptation go hand in hand. i say follow your conscience-it will be much easier to do so if we follow God closely and read His word more.

maybe staying at home to philosophize is better? at least it was productive? or have i went round the whole world and not come back. i know what im thinking, but in words its rather hard eh. ha.

[[aim of the week and weeks to come: not yield to temptation, no matter what form it comes in.]]
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||| 34%
Schizoid |||||||||| 34%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 70%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||||| 74%
Borderline |||| 14%
Histrionic |||||||||| 34%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 66%
Avoidant |||||| 22%
Dependent |||||||||| 38%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||||||| 58%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test


well welll. im antisocial. i knew tt! k. enough is enough.
after reading about these 2, i think im 60% ESFP, 40% ENFP. i duno. anyway its so boring at home that im resigned to do personality tests, day in day out. =p but its kinda interesting yet weird to see ur behaviour and character explained in words, and its accurate! goodness.
ESFP - "Entertainer". Radiates attractive warmth and optimism. Smooth, witty, charming, clever. Fun to be with. Very generous. 8.5% of the total population.
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test


what on earth am i then?
ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test


wanna know more?
back from class chalet/bbQ. sigh too bad mom didnt allow me to stay overnight. anyway i had a shitty time doing up e 2nd bbq pit, and i almost died of excessive inhalation of smog. it rained at 5pm, spoilt bbq plans. so e bbq actually started at abt 8pm and could only eat at 9. swam, tan's now weird: bikini-cum-sportsbra-cum-racerback. im gonna get a p.r.o.p.e.r tan no matter what soon man! ok lah. overall was not that boring, yet it couldve been funner. only half e class turned up. typical. ran into rachel and wan zhen from peihwa at e pool centre, and ran into wan zhen (again) when i was going home, so had company. talked abt e usual 16-yr-old stuff: o lvls, education, primary sch peeps. she got 13 or 15 for prelims. heard from her tt RV (her sch) moderated pple from B4s to A2s as and when they liked! wot!? pui. had a stomachache, 173 was freaking cold, and my stomach was freaking gonna give way. alverina, one of my classmates, brought along her 11 yr old bro. he won e quan xing zhong dong yuan (snap) on chan U for e 'hip hop' thingie..cos he was cute. haha okie lah his eyes are v big! catch this fri's episode to see him ya. still feel like shitting. alrite, its tomorrow already. gotta scoot.